Gen Zers to Their Parents: When We Are Upset, Just Listen

WASHINGTON, D.C. — One of the challenges that defines adolescents’ journeys to young adulthood is learning to cope with their emotions. For the parents and caretakers who walk alongside preteens and teenagers on that journey, knowing when and how to support them when their emotions run high can prove challenging. New research from the Walton Family Foundation and Gallup, in partnership with psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, reveals that most young people experience happiness on a daily basis, but many also feel stress, anxiety and sadness. Generation Z youth report having a deep arsenal of coping techniques when they are upset, but when it comes to what they want from their parents in those situations, listening is more important than giving advice and reassurance.
The most recent survey, which is part of a larger body of research on Gen Z by the Walton Family Foundation and Gallup, was conducted online March 13-20, 2024, with 1,675 10- to 18-year-old youth and one of their parents or guardians via the probability-based Gallup Panel. It finds that, rather than being completely positive or completely negative, the emotional lives of preteens and teenagers are complex. Nearly all of these children (94%) say they felt happiness a lot of the prior day; however, 45% also felt stressed, 38% anxious, and 23% sad.
These negative feelings are especially prevalent among Gen Z girls and teenage youth and are least common among Black youth.
In addition to asking Gen Z youth about the emotions they regularly experience, Gallup surveyed one of each child’s parents or guardians about how they experience and support their children emotionally. Overall, about one in three parents (35%) agree or strongly agree that their child’s emotions are “very intense.”
White parents, as well as those with a child between the ages of 10 and 12, are especially likely to feel their child’s emotions are very intense. Additionally, parents who are the same gender as their children — i.e., mothers and daughters, as well as fathers and sons — are more likely than the different-gender parents to say their child has very intense emotions.
About one in six parents say they struggle to comfort their children when they are upset (16%) or communicate effectively with them (15%). Younger parents are most likely to report struggling to comfort their child and communicate with them. Parents of 13- to 15-year-olds are also especially likely to report struggling to communicate with their child (19%).
Most parents (61%) say they do not struggle to comfort their children — but what does successfully comforting an upset child look like? According to their kids, less is more: 62% say they want their parents to listen to them when they are upset, and 56% want their parents to give them space. Meanwhile, about half as many children (28%) want their parents to give them advice when they are upset.
Preteens and teenagers have different preferences for how they want to be supported when they are upset. Teenagers are more likely than 10- to 12-year-olds (preteens) to want their parents to give them space (63% to 43%). Meanwhile, preteens (41%) are about twice as likely as teenagers (an average of 22%) to want their parents to provide them with physical comfort.
While parents do have a role to play in helping their child manage their emotions, children themselves have a wide range of coping mechanisms. Listening to music is the tactic Gen Zers most frequently employ (58%), and 45% each say they turn to video games or their friends.
Male and female Gen Zers each have unique ways of coping with their emotions. Two-thirds of Gen Z boys prefer to play video games when they are upset, which is about three times the rate for girls (23%). Gen Z boys are also more likely than girls to engage in physical activity or spend time on YouTube when they are upset.
Meanwhile, Gen Z girls are notably more likely than boys to say they prefer to listen to music, talk about their feelings, seek physical comfort, connect with friends, browse social media, be creative, write in a journal and engage in self-care when they are upset.
There are fewer differences in how children cope based on their age; however, 10- to 12-year-olds are more likely to seek physical comfort (48%) than 13- to 18-year-olds are (33%). Preteens are also more likely than their older peers to go outside when they are upset (38% to 27%). Conversely, teenagers are much more likely than preteens to cope by listening to music (64% to 46%, respectively), browsing social media (26% to 9%), or engaging in self-care (25% to 14%).
About two-thirds of Gen Z youth worry about what the world will be like when they are adults, and 39% see content online that makes them uncomfortable. Sixteen- to 18-year-olds are most likely to worry about their future world and encounter uncomfortable content online, though younger teenagers between the ages of 13 and 15 are also about 10 percentage points more likely than 10- to 12-year-olds to report these experiences.
About one in three Gen Zers say they feel pressure to be perfect. This especially affects Gen Z girls, who are 14 points more likely than boys to feel like they have to be perfect (40% to 26%). This pressure is also more prevalent among teenagers: More than one-third of 13- to 15-year-olds (38%) and 16- to 18-year-olds (35%) feel they have to be perfect, compared with about one in four 10- to 12-year-olds (27%).
Birth order appears to be related to the pressure Gen Z children feel to be perfect, but those effects are most apparent between the ages of 10 and 15. In general, children who are the oldest in their family are more likely to feel pressure to be perfect than those who are middle children or the youngest in their family when they are in their preteen and early teenage years. However, 16- to 18-year-olds are about equally likely to feel pressure to be perfect regardless of birth order.
Gen Z children’s reports of feeling negative emotions are closely related to whether they feel they have to be perfect. Those who say they need to be perfect are 23 to 30 points more likely than those who do not feel that pressure to say they felt anxious, sad and stressed a lot of the prior day.
The Walton Family Foundation-Gallup Voices of Gen Z study offers new insights to parents struggling to help their teenagers and preteens contend with the challenges of adolescence. According to children themselves, the most helpful action a parent can take is to listen to the problems their child is having, and then give them the space they need to cope with their emotions. Parents may also consider reminding their child that they do not need to be perfect, especially if they are the parent of a girl or teenager, or dealing with an oldest child — because these are most likely to feel that pressure. Doing so may help reduce the sadness, stress and anxiety that sizable percentages of Gen Z children feel on a regular basis.
Learn more about how the Walton Family Foundation Voices of Gen Z survey works.
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Learn more about how the Gallup Panel works.